Sexual Identity

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Sexual Identity

R. Ross Whalen • Apr 05, 2021

I must be something of a dinosaur when it comes to sexual identities. As I booted up my computer and turned on the internet, my browser hit me with all those stories we don’t look at as we get down to business. However, one caught my eye. It was some article about Demi Lovato coming out as pansexual. So, I had to ask, what the f*#k is a pansexual?

According to Wikipedia:

Pansexuality is sexual, romantic, or emotional attraction towards people regardless of their sex or gender identity. Pansexual people may refer to themselves as gender-blind, asserting that gender and sex are not determining factors in their romantic or sexual attraction to others.

Which confuses me. If we are talking about sexuality, then are we not talking about sexual attraction? When I was growing up you were either heterosexual or homosexual. There was the occasional talk about bi-sexuality, but this was a limited discussion since most who were considered bi-sexual leaned more towards one form of sexuality over the other.

As I read the article, I was hit by an alphabet soup of letters used to define sexual preferences. An alphabet soup now termed the “alphabet mafia.” By this I mean LGBTQAI+. As defined by the online dictionary:

LGBTQIA+ - A common abbreviation for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Pansexual, Transgender, Genderqueer, Queer, Intersexed, Agender, Asexual, and Ally community.

I decided to research the definitions of each. I also tried to decide why such labels are necessary and why those who use them scream for us non LGBTQIA+ folks to be tolerant of who they are sexually but who often show zero tolerance for others who are not like them. If I haven’t said this before, let me say it now - I despise hypocrisy.

So, let’s start at the beginning letter for all those out there who are like me and have no real clue what all these letters stand for.

“L” stands for Lesbian. According to Wikipedia a lesbian is defined as:

A lesbian is a homosexual woman. The word lesbian is also used for women in relation to their sexual identity or sexual behavior, regardless of sexual orientation, or as an adjective to characterize or associate nouns with female homosexuality or same-sex attraction.

I find this identifier unnecessary. If you are a homosexual, I don’t need you to define it by gender. Often those who choose to brand themselves as such show little to no tolerance of others who are different than they are. Not all those who are lesbian do so (I know this from personal experience), but those I see in the news seem quite militant. Is this what I should expect from everyone who brands themselves as a lesbian?

If I dared to show such contempt for lesbians, as those I have run across in the news show for me; as a heterosexual white male, I would be hung from the trees. It IS sexism plain and simple. Not reverse sexism, just sexism. By the way, here is a definition of sexism found on Wikipedia:

Sexism is prejudice or discrimination based on one's sex or gender. Sexism can affect anyone, but it primarily affects women and girls. It has been linked to stereotypes and gender roles and may include the belief that one sex or gender is intrinsically superior to another. Extreme sexism may foster sexual harassment, rape, and other forms of sexual violence. Gender discrimination may encompass sexism and is discrimination toward people based on their gender identity or their gender or sex differences. Gender discrimination is especially defined in terms of workplace inequality. It may arise from social or cultural customs and norms.

I find it curious the alphabet mafia starts with L. Why? Is it ladies first even in the alternate sexual universes? In the 70’s, if I offered to open a door for a woman my own age, I was branded a male chauvinist pig for showing some southern courtesy. Amazing how things change, isn’t it?

So, we did the letter “L.” So what is “G?” Notice the question mark inside the quotation marks. Is it correct? (A little Editor’s humor)

Back to the “G.” The G in LGBTQAI+ is for Gay. Now as I understand it, gay refers to homosexuals who are male only. Here is another definition for you from my favorite source right now about this subject – Wikipedia:

Gay is a term that primarily refers to a homosexual person or the trait of being homosexual. In formal English, the word retains its original meaning of "carefree", "cheerful", or "bright and showy". The use of the word to refer to male homosexuality may date to the late 19th century, but its use gradually increased in the mid-20th century. In present-day colloquial English, "gay" is used as both an adjective and a noun in reference to the community, practices, and culture associated with homosexuality. In the 1960s, "gay" became the word favored by homosexual men to describe their sexual orientation. By the end of the 20th century, the word "gay" was recommended by major LGBT groups and style guides to describe people attracted to members of the same sex, although it is more commonly used to refer specifically to men.

Interesting to note the word isn’t officially about men only. In any case, the men follow the women in the lineup. I still find that interesting. I would think it would be listed alphabetically since it is called the alphabet mafia.

Let’s move to the “B.” B stands for bi-sexual. This time the word is gender neutral. It applies to men and women who like both sexes equally. Once more with the definitions from Wikipedia:

Bisexuality is romantic attraction, sexual attraction, or sexual behavior toward both males and females, or to more than one sex or gender. It may also be defined as romantic or sexual attraction to people of any sex or gender identity, which is also known as pansexuality.

This of course causes me some confusion. We started this with the definition of pansexuality, and it differs from the definition of bisexuality. It must be a subcategory since it is not listed in the LGBTQIA+ alphabet. Is this sexual discrimination by the other listed groups or simply ignoring the category altogether as unimportant?

I’m a heterosexual white male so I don’t really care. However, I bet those who self-identify as pansexual do.

Since the Pans have been left out, let’s move onto the “T” in the list. I found I was mistaken. I had assumed the “T” meant transvestite. Remember the Rocky Horror Picture Show? The song about the character being a transvestite? I loved that movie back in the day. However, I must admit that when I watched it, I was stoned and drunk at the same time. Still, I have fond memories of it. It had Susan Sarandon in it, of course I have fond memories of the movie. Anyways, the “T” stands for Transgender. Once more from Wikipedia:

Transgender people have a gender identity or gender expression that differs from the sex that they were assigned at birth. Some transgender people who desire medical assistance to transition from one sex to another identify as transsexual. Transgender, often shortened as trans, is also an umbrella term; in addition to including people whose gender identity is the opposite of their assigned sex, it may include people who are not exclusively masculine or feminine. Other definitions of transgender also include people who belong to a third gender, or else conceptualize transgender people as a third gender. The term transgender may be defined very broadly to include cross-dressers.

This definition is far too broad for me. It lends itself to misinterpretation at will. I like that it lists Trans as a third gender. The only third gender I have ever known that qualifies as an actual physical gender is a Hermaphrodite. A hermaphrodite possesses both sets of genitalia. I noticed they were left out of the alphabet mafia. Do they qualify as a third gender?

Third gender, or third sex, is a concept in which individuals are categorized, either by themselves or by society, as neither man nor woman.

One of those listed as a subcategory but not actually in the list is Genderqueer. What the f*#k? I had to know what the difference between this and being a homosexual was. Here is what I found. The word can be used both as a noun or an adjective and is defined by the online dictionary as:

Denoting or relating to a person who does not subscribe to conventional gender distinctions but identifies with neither, both, or a combination of male and female genders.

Wikipedia defines it as Non-Binary. Here is that definition:

Non-binary or genderqueer is a spectrum of gender identities that are not exclusively masculine or feminine—identities that are outside the gender binary. Non-binary identities can fall under the transgender umbrella, since many non-binary people identify with a gender that is different from their assigned sex. Another term for non-binary is enby.

I can honestly say I have never run into a person who identified as Genderqueer. I look forward to meeting someone who does. I think it would be an incredible conversation. If you haven’t already guessed, I have a lot to learn. Just ask the rest of the alphabet mafia. I am a white, heterosexual male which means I am a drooling, idiotic, knuckle dragger only interested in my own penis at best.

So where were we on the list? I believe we have made it to the “Q.” The “Q” stands for Queer. Now, as a young man I was taught Queers were homosexuals. Now before anyone gets there shackles up, you should know my older brother taught me this. My older brother is homosexual. Which means, as he explained it to me, he could use the word, but I couldn’t. Hypocrisy peeking its head. I despise a word being limited to someone other than me. If you don’t want the word used by me, don’t use it period. As it is defined on Wikipedia:

Queer is an umbrella term for sexual and gender minorities who are not heterosexual or are not cisgender. Originally meaning "strange" or "peculiar", queer came to be used pejoratively against those with same-sex desires or relationships in the late 19th century. Beginning in the late 1980s, queer activists, such as the members of Queer Nation, began to reclaim the word as a deliberately provocative and politically radical alternative to the more assimilationist branches of the LGBT community.

Essentially, as I understand it, queer is used by some homosexuals to define themselves as different than standard homosexuals. Does this apply only to men or are women included in this sexual identifier? And is it important that queer is a part of the alphabet mafia but pansexuals aren’t? Or Genderqueers?

The next letter in the list intrigued me. “I” stands for intersexed. Intersex is defined by Wikipedia as:

Intersex people are individuals born with any of several variations in sex characteristics including chromosomes, gonads, sex hormones or genitals that, according to the Office of the United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights, "do not fit the typical definitions for male or female bodies". Though the range of atypical sex characteristics may be obvious from birth through the presence of physically ambiguous genitalia, in other instances, these atypical characteristics may go unnoticed, presenting as ambiguous internal reproductive organs or atypical chromosomes that may remain unknown to an individual all of their life.

I now know where the Hermaphrodites fall. Another group of people I look forward to having a conversation with. You are never too old to learn. I have learned a great deal writing this blog.

The next letter is “A+.” the A+ stands for Agender, Asexual and Ally. Agender is defined by the online dictionary as:

ADJECTIVE

denoting or relating to a person who does not identify themselves as having a particular gender.

"one of the mistakes is the presumption that an agender person must also be asexual"

Which leads us to Asexual. As defined by the online dictionary Asexual means:

ADJECTIVE:

without sexual feelings or associations.

"she rested her hand on the back of his head, in a maternal, wholly asexual, gesture"

synonyms:

sexless · unsexed · epicene

biology

(of reproduction) not involving the fusion of gametes.

NOUN

a person who has no sexual feelings or desires.

And the final is Ally as defined by Wikipedia:

An ally, straight ally, or heterosexual ally is a heterosexual and cisgender person who supports equal civil rights, gender equality, and LGBT social movements, challenging homophobia, biphobia, and transphobia. Not everyone who meets this definition identifies as an "ally." An ally acknowledges that LGBT people face discrimination and thus are socially disadvantaged. They aim to use their position and privilege as heterosexual and cisgender individuals in a society focused on CIS normativity and heteronormativity to counter discrimination against LGBT people. Several LGBT organizations center the development of allies in working towards their social justice goals.

Now this definition has a word I have never heard. Cisgender. This is what I found in the online dictionary:

ADJECTIVE

denoting or relating to a person whose sense of personal identity and gender corresponds with their birth sex. Compare with transgender.

"this newfound attention to the plight of black trans folks by primarily cisgender allies is timely and necessary"

Whew, quite a heady bit of stuff this sexuality identification process. It is far and away above my head. Simply put, I don’t care. I am not having sex with you, so it doesn’t matter to me. Nor will I keep to my own kind as I have been told more than once in my life by several people of different sexual identities. Seems having a white Anglo Saxon protestant heterosexual man talk openly or ask questions about sexual identities is off limits unless it is to sympathize.

Let me tell you where my sympathies lie. I believe in equality. Period. No race, no gender, no nationality, nothing is either above me, nor beneath me. God created us all equal in His eyes. Period. Nothing else needs to be said.

I’m Ross, the Editor-in-Chief at The Pyrateheart Press and I’m out.

P.S. I still think it should be A+BGILPQT. Let’s make it alphabetical. It’s the Editor in me. Besides, it’s politically correct.

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